I'm jealous of your bromance
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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