Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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