I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
