The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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