He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
