there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
