In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
