And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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