I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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