why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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