do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
