I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
