i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
