Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
