Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
