and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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