I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
