I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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