My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
