I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
