I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He felt like a one man threesome
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize