i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
