What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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