my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
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u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize