1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
