I'm drive I can fine osifer
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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