Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
