Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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