i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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