Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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