I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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