is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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