It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
