Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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