I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
