DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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