I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
