my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As shirtless as possible
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
