i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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