Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
