He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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