My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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