Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
