u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
