Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
