they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
