i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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