p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
