hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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