There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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