The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just pee around me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
