See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
