I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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