I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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