Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
