Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
