do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
