Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
