I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
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Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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