So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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