My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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