I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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