You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
