Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
