Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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