I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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