She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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