i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
