My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
