She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
