Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
