Just fell off a train. Bad.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
